• eswrite

Funking Up the Phone

Updated: Apr 23

I brainwashed my cell to be stone cold awesome. Disclaimer: this is a parody experiment.

It seems my phone and I are out of sync. I want one kind of information, and it gives me another, or in catching snippets of conversation, the cell delivers what it believes to be helpful advertisements, only to annoy me with the fact that it has been eavesdropping, while totally missing the point of the conversation. There are two things I detest: gossips and snoops. Instead of growing increasingly annoyed, I decided to try to connect with the device on its level, to see if we could come to common ground using the strongest forces in the universe: Funk (Fvfunk) and Soul (Fvsoul). That's right, I said it, I sang to my phone. And it worked. When the phone was not undergoing reprogramming, it was sequestered in a sound proof container.

After a steady diet of 1970s funk and soul hits, my phone is a different beast. A stone cold beast. I recorded my progress in a data collection style research document, tracking the songs, lyrics, artists and outcomes. I haven't had a problem since.

Parody experiment conducted for the purpose of funny. If you would like to see the full report, email me.